What A Person With Anxiety And Depression Goes Through

“There’s a misconception that anxious people are antisocial, short-fused or over-dramatic. But they’re most likely processing everything around them so intensely that they can’t handle a lot of questions, people or heavy information all at once. Anxiety is when you feel everything.” — Katie Crawford

 There's a lot of people that often wonder what anxiety feels like because its essential to know before helping someone out. However, I'm probably not the best person to explain it so I asked a few people around me and combined our thoughts. 

First of all it's something that comes in waves, there's definitely days where we're happy and then there's days where we're just not having it. We get sensitive and might have a mental breakdown. 

We don't exactly like it when you ask us why we looked sad or down, cause even we don't know, its something that's overwhelming and we have no control over it.

The days when we're not feeling it usually go like this :

It's a day in life where every second passing is a torture. 

You lose your purpose to live and you want to disappear but yet again you put on a mask and decide to face people.

You try not to think about it (anxiety) much but you just can't, which makes it hard for you to fit in and merge with people because there is literally a war going on in your head.

You nevertheless put on your mask and smile with everyone because that's what you're prone to do but you're internally dying and are jealous of their happiness, them being extroverts who don't go through this.

You crave moments alone, because you can cry without the fear of being judged. You want people to notice that you're hurting but at the same time you don't because you know they'll ask way too many questions when you just want someone to listen to  you and let you cry without judging you. 

If someone asks you how it feels you find it hard answering them face to face because you've become a pro at masking it that you feel numb, and its rather easy being written down. You desperately want someone to lean on but there's a part of you that's to anxious to ask for that. Finding someone that's gonna listen to you and understand you is a luxury for you at times. 

You're too used to that mask and you feel afraid to take it off on bad days. You feel alone, stranded, isolated and you want to finish yourself. There's still a part of you that wants to make things right but the rest of you feels numb.

You consider suicide but a part of you thinks about the people that might blame themselves after you're gone and you still care about them, even if they don't. You still love them but you want them to see you're dying inside  without saying it yourself because you're afraid of their reaction.. and they just don't see it. 

People may say things to you that don't matter much to them but to you it's like they slowly inserted a knife in an old wound in your body twisted it thorough and took their time taking it out. They're happy after a minute, and they expect you to forget it and be happy. And that's exactly what you need to do because that's how your life works, that's what your mask is for. 

Every time you see them smile, you think of the wound they opened and made worse, you think about why they even deserve to smile. You think about seeking revenge but you stop, because they were once real close to you.

Yes, it's that serious, for some people, now it sounds this bad, so imagine going through it almost everyday.

If you know someone that goes through anxiety, I hope this helped you understand them better. We don't need anything but someone that will listen to us rant and cry without judging us. 

I hope this helped or you could relate to it.

Peace Out,

Zoha X